Hikers climbing on rock, mountain at sunset, one of them giving

A Little Talk

I met up with my classmate tonight, talking about the writing life and things related to it. After talking to her, it was better than calling Befrienders or visiting the Counselling unit. I got everything worked out just by talking to her.

This is amazing.

After 2 weeks of being in the dumpster, thinking how miserable life is, contemplating suicide and telling myself how bad life is and that there is not hope. After countless hours trying to dream my life away, sleeping and sleeping and sleeping… my mojo is back!!!

That bastard tried to take money from me before starting work. He’ll take my money and run!! I can guarantee you that will happen. He kept cutting working days. Then working hours. It was bound to happen. At least I was smart enough to try and pay him by the hour.

Why should I even care about the bastard any more.

I am moving on!!!

Yes… I had all my hopes that as a team, we could do wonders.

But being a one man band isn’t that bad after all.

I just have to keep hoping and THINK POSITIVE.

Oh…

did I mention I have to put in some work???

Dreams

The “MASTER” Plan

So you ask me…

What is your master plan now?

The plan is there is no plan. But just write.  Try to be the best struggling writer I can be. Read and write like 10 hours a day according to working hours. Then another 8 hours will be spent studying and doing assignments.

This totals up to 18 hours of work time. 5 hours of sleep. 1 hour of gym. Repeat.

Sunday is an off day.

Of course, I can always not follow the plan like always, bum around and wait for the second coming of Christ, in hopes that I am pure and holy enough to enter heaven then.

Hold on to your dreams they say.

Work as hard as you can to make them come true they say.

HELLO!!!! Do you know how hard doing it is!?!?! DO YOU!?!?!?

I’m just going to put in the work, enjoy what is the process of spending time on Earth doing something worthwhile and hope that one day… I will be somewhere I never dream of being. That includes being in the abyss of humanity.

keepcalm

22 February 2016

I don’t think I am going to be famous. But that doesn’t matter. Why would I want to be famous in the first place? So that I can be with someone famous too??? That’s just absurd and I know it.

My grandma and aunt came over from Canada to Malaysia for a visit 2 weeks ago. Today is their last day in Malaysia and Kuala Lumpur in particular. For the the past 2 weeks, they’ve been travelling to Penang and Singapore for a Chinese New Year trip with my mom. Their next stop is Hong Kong and my mom will be tagging along.

What is a blessing is that both mom and I fell sick while grandma and aunt showed no signs of sickness. I want to think that it is better that we fall sick than them falling sick. It’s nice being a scapegoat.

Today I enter the 2nd week of school. So far, the work doesn’t seem to be as much as I anticipated. But I guess the work depends on ourselves. How much work we want to put in is up to us. Nobody is going to tell us what and what not to study. We are Master degree students. We should know how to manage our own acquisition of knowledge.

I think it was the 19th of February 2016. I found myself with nobody to talk to. I looked at my list of contacts and didn’t find a single person that I could call. Mom was in Singapore then. So I called up the Befrienders. I talked for an hour saying anything that was on my mind.

At the end of the day, I figured that I was friendless. That’s why I write here. That’s why I spend time alone 99% of the time.

I am in a lonely world. Like the frog who sits in a pot that is slowly warming up to cook it, not knowing what is really going on… I too am sitting in this pot waiting to be cooked. I just don’t know when will I be cooked that’s all.

 

 

Farmer's hand watering a young plant in sunshine

Starting Fresh

I’ve disappeared from Instagram, Facebook and Twitter for 3 weeks now, hoping to gather enough energy to push for a super novel release in November 2016.

Things started to fall apart. The guy that I thought I’d be happy to work with  played me like a fool. He wanted me to pay him before work even started. If I was a fool, I’d have already paid him and he’ll have run away with my money.

I struggle with 3 things. Time, money and fate.

Time
I keep telling myself that I am running out of time. I feel that I have to earn myself a good living and be able to command hundreds of millions before I finally get to be with someone. The clock is ticking. I am stuck in a place where I do not know how to get where I want to go.

I am currently doing a Masters in Communications to be a lecturer. Last night, mom burst my bubble and said after I have finished my Masters, I may not end up being a lecturer.

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN??? That the future is uncertain??? That no matter what we do, our dreams will fall short one way or the other???

Money
I want to earn a lot a lot of money. I want to be able to afford anything I wish to buy. I want to be able to feed 2 kids and a wife and still be able to buy myself Apple products and books for a lifetime.

But the problem is… I don’t know what I should do to get the money. This is so frustrating, I want to just give up altogether. PLEASE JUST KILL ME!!! PLEASE!!!!!

Fate
I still struggle with the B Dream. From today onwards, if I don’t exist, B doesn’t exist too. That is just fair no?

I am slowly getting back on social media and giving myself a voice on the Internet to say that I exist. I have been away too long.

I guess I will have to throw away all my dreams. Then start to somehow stay in tune with the universe to see what I am supposed to dream of being.

I hope someone missed me.

Re-Genesis

I am recreating this website where it will house all my work. Whether it is ebooks, novels, videos or anything that is possible to create for your edutainment, I will be putting it here.

Op HyperDrive is about to begin. I’m trying to define what this website is about. Most of all, I hope to be able to work as hard as I can to populate this site for everyone to enjoy.

It is going to be really really really hard work. But I feel it will be worth it.

God bless.